The third stage of Dr. Jennifer Martin’s seven-stage iteration for chronic illness is Anger.
What brings anger? The third stage, Anger, is caused by the what-ifs: What if I had done something differently? What could I have done to prevent this? What if the doctor had done something differently? Also, focusing on the pointless “why me?” But lastly, the anger is from realizing my old normal is gone.
CRPS/RSD
With CRPS, my anger comes from the lack of research, the lack of viable treatment options, the lack of a cure, and of course, the pain. I did everything I thought was possible to prevent getting this again, but I failed.
Loss of Physical Strength
I don’t like exercise or doing my physical therapy every day. I know I need it, I just don’t like it. Worse, I don’t like that I am doing what I can and losing ground. And it is no longer safe to go to the gym because of COVID-19, so I don’t have the presence and motivation of my wonderful physical trainer. And the hospital system decided that only patients with “urgent” physical therapy needs can continue. If they had kept patients with “essential” needs, I would have been able to continue.
Mental Fog
I feel the anger and pain that I have seen before in Stroke patients and Alzheimer’s Disease patients when I can’t find a word, remember a name, or just comprehend what should be a simple idea.
Travel Restrictions
I had planned to go around the world again on the Viking Sun, starting in December. We would have gone from Miami, then south to Central America, and through the Panama Canal. We would have traveled north to California and then west to Hawaii. I was looking forward to snorkeling in Bora Bora, seeing relatives in New Zealand, and visiting new parts of Asia ad India before heading up the Suez Canal. But the reason I finally had my left knee replaced was so that I could go on a trip to Antarctica in 2022. There is a requirement to be physically fit! Even without COVID-19, the world cruise was questionable. Even if I went into remission, I doubt I would be strong enough to do the activities I had planned in time. Without remission, I won’t qualify to go on the trip to Antarctica.
