The fourth stage of Dr. Jennifer Martin’s seven-stage iteration for chronic illness is Anxiety and Depression.
Anxiety and Depression – what a combination! But when anger fades, this is what is left. Anxiety is our fear of the future, and depression is the natural reaction to the recognition of the tremendous losses caused by this disease or disorder.
CRPS/RSD
I made it through the crying and most of the sadness, but I am still holding on to the fear of the future. While my husband is worried that we won’t survive the COVID-19, my concern has been that COVID-19 will close me off from medical therapy. And it has. All my neurological tests have been canceled and physical therapy is “on hold.” If the window of remission is 12 months, I can’t afford to lose the next 2+ months of physical therapy.
Loss of Physical Strength
My biggest concern with this is that I get too lazy or disorganized and stop trying to keep up with what I can do. The loss of strength is not severe enough yet that depression has set in. I have rebuilt my muscles from worse states before.
Mental Fog
I don’t even want to think about how drastic my life will change if I don’t go into remission and this mental fog remains.
Travel Restrictions
At the moment, we are ordered to “Stay At Home” because of the COVID-19 pandemic. We can still go to the grocery store, pharmacy, and take out at restaurants. We can even go to whatever stores are open if we are shopping for something that helps us “work at home.” So many of our travel plans will be canceled because of COVID-19. But I still want to see Russia and Antarctica. I want to see the Panama Canal and the Suez Canel. If I don’t go into remission, all travel plans are at risk of never happening.
Will I ever be able to hug my Dad again or see my nieces or nephews get married? Right now there are no answers.
